Wednesday , 20 June 2018

Trapped In A Judicial Cage – Part 3: Will This Ever End

Part 3: WIll This Ever End I have tried a number of different methods for encouraging closure and getting to the final eventual outcome of a 50%-50% of all assets.  At this juncture I am sadly re-told by my soon-to-be ex-wife that a scorched earth approach for both of us is something she is all about.  She assumes I am trying to control the process and outcome when in fact I want her to move on with as much as she can and start healing.  I don’t want to control her and know I do not and never have possessed this power.  Only her irreverent and self-serving attorney appears to have this power over her now.  This is so shameful and she will look back and become sick one day once she is able to clearly see the avarice work of this dispassionate individual.  I harbor such resentment and anger towards what I can only describe as a “coward”.  Fortunately I have some very decent friends and community leaders who tell me he is not worth the wasted energy and his arrogance will get him in the end.  I am trying to internalize these messages and beginning to do so.  My wife hears none of this and only harbors evil thoughts relative to the outcome and my future.  I am beginning to move on and establish a good life without her.  It viscerally hurts as I yearn for what we once had and want so badly to try and reconcile.  However, I know this is a “pipe dream” and that my wife is a long way from being emotionally stable and able to address not her current reality but the actual unfortunate manifestation of where we both sit today and it is not pretty.  I am spending meaningful time with my 17 year old daughter and recognize this as my priority.  Business pursuits are beginning to advance in purpose and traction and I am feeling momentum building comparable to two other different times in my life where I was most fortunate.  Sadly, the two previous times were with my wife and allowed us to enjoy some of the fruits of our collective effort and once heart-felt love.  This angst and internal struggle to address my own failures with this marriage hurt and continue to gnaw at me.  I hate who I have become and pray for not only myself but for my wife, her family, and her friends.  At one juncture, they were all an important part of my life, but not any longer.  I recognize their loyal support to my wife and I am glad she has this support system in place.  I love her but want this to end so she can begin to heal and start new relationships that will hopefully give her meaning, love, and happiness. She deserves this as long as she will address deep seeded emotions and feelings that not even I understand.  I pray this will end soon. 

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