By Eliska Counce, TSB Columnist
Oh, those wacky celebrities. So many train wrecks, so little time. The week was rife with boneheaded moves by the rich and famous. Luckily for us, the tabloids are here to stalk our favorite famous people and humiliate them for our entertainment. The media is ready to catch famous people at their worst. And part of the service I provide you, dear reader, is of course to catch those stories that you with actual jobs and lives miss while I’m on the internet and bring them to you. In this spirit, I present this week in celebrity dumb decisions:
Rihanna takes back Chris Brown. In the most oh-no-she-didn’t of celebrity news, pop star and unbidden role model Rihanna hooks back up with the man who did this to her:
The two were spotted canoodling at a nightclub this week, and later that night Brown was photographed leaving the hotel where the pop singer was staying. The decision to hook back up with man who served time for trying to cave your face in? Indefensible. Here’s hoping not too many other young girls decide to take that second trip down that dark alley as Rihanna clearly has. Brown has had no intervention for his psychiatric problems; indeed, he’s had fistfights and thrown a chair through a window since. This is one relationship that’s not just bad PR dangerous for Rihanna and the legions of young girls who look up to her as the cool kid to emulate.
Hulk Hogan has a sex tape. Remember the blonde, tanned wrestler from the 80s? You can see all of him this week if you wish. Which is wrong, wrong, wrong on so many levels. Any amount of time spent looking at a bare-assed Hulk cavorting on a canopy bed is just emotionally scarring. Isn’t it all time we just decided that sex is good enough without having to go all Cecile B. DeMille? Sex was good before television. Let’s all agree it still can be. Oh, and Hulk’s ex-wife Linda getting a DUI? Also a bonus and pretty poor celebrity decision.
Obama decides to go mild. What in the world happened to our Orator in Chief? Is this the man who sang Al Green to me? I need that guy back! Romney threatens to strap Big Bird to the roof of his car and fire the debate moderator, and he still won the debate? Civility is overrated, liberals. I just knew somewhere Clinton was shouting and wagging his finger at a monitor somewhere. I know I was. Playing it professor-style? Worst. Decision. Evah.
Nicki Minaj threatens Mariah Carey on the American Idol set. Now, if I happened to say that, quote, “If I had a gun I’d shoot that bitch” at work, it seems to me not only would I lose my job, but the po-po might come get me as well. In what world do people act like this? Oh, yeah. Hollywood.
Jason Aldean gets some on the side with Brittany Kerr. I’d say once again: let’s all just assume there’s a camera trained on you at all time, famous or not. Especially if you’re a country music star or a former American Idol. But can’t we all just not cheat instead? I know it’s a novel idea, but it’s just so crazy it just might work. When Jason Aldean schmoozed on up on Brittany, there were plenty of people at the bar ready to tweet pictures. That’s gonna require the application of some shiny things for the wife, Jason.
Bully emails local anchor to tell her to lose weight. Kenneth Krause, personal trial lawyer and professional tool, took it upon himself to email a local news anchor to tell her she wasn’t a good role model to young, area girls because she is fat. Better fat than a personal trial lawyer, in my opinion, but I digress. Once again, if someone doesn’t ask you or pay you for your advice? Chances are they don’t want it. Hell, some people pay me for my professional opinion and still don’t really want it. And if you’re trying to be helpful and it’s hurtful? It’s called bullying. What a douche.
Snoop Dog Instagrams his presidential endorsement. I’m thinking this list speaks for itself:
Particularly noted: Snoop will vote Obama because “Michelle has a fat ass” and not for Romney as Romney is “Mormon but he ain’t got no hoes.” And who says America doesn’t educate her youth in civil matters? Snoop, darling, I think you better stick to rap. Oh, Snoop. I think Obama’s mad cool, too, but that’s not why I’m voting for him. Oy vey.
So there’s the roundup of some of the most dubious celebrity decisions of the week. Some doozies, no? Once again I thank all that is holy that no one is paying attention to me and my many mistakes. And that in my life there’s not a sex tape, a DUI, or a romance with a man who tried to smash my face in to be splashed anywhere. Here’s hoping that the worst decisions I make this week are in wardrobe and food choice. And that TMZ never, ever finds me.