Wednesday , 25 April 2018

Eliska Counce: Rielle Hunter, Will You Please Go Now?

By Eliska Counce, TSB Columnist

If you don’t know who Rielle Hunter is, I envy you. I also suspect you must be a monk located in a shoebox in Tibet, because Rielle is omnipresent. You cannot avoid her if you own a television or ever venture online, indeed, if you own any device at all with a screen, she’ll prance across it.

What’s her claim to fame? She’s a self-described “actress and producer” and the mistress and baby-momma that starred in John Edward’s spectacular fall from grace. She’s everywhere, and I resent it with a purple passion.

She’s without pants in People. She’s talking to Barbara Walters on The View and being interviewed by Piers Morgan. She’s parading her 4-year-old daughter by Edwards in front of any media camera with a lens and a cable channel. She has a book out detailing every sordid moment of her affair with the impeccably-coiffed, if morally challenged, Edwards. She’s famous for being infamous. AND I WANT HER GONE.

Related: I also resent being stripped of my old perception of the mill worker’s son, a champion of the Southern poor and a devoted husband and father. I liked that John Edwards. I didn’t want the John Edwards 2.0. I know that’s not all Rielle’s fault, but dammit. Getting anyone pregnant, but especially Rielle pregnant? Really, John? Even he called her a “crazy slut.” Oh, why must politicians all break my heart?

But I digress. There are many reasons to dislike Ms. Hunter. She seems to be a complete narcissist, oblivious to any and all damage she’s exposing not only her child to but the small children Edwards shared with Elizabeth Edwards. Hunter drags the poor dead woman through the mud in her book (and I am actively trying to avoid What Really Happened, thank you very much). Speaking ill of the dead is the height of distaste, and Hunter’s complete lack of shame is simply mind-boggling. She has the nerve to blithely denigrate a woman from whom she took a husband without a single care to the consequences for anyone but herself.

She is what my 8-year-old son calls a “Me First Person.” And the all the energy of every one of the neurons in her brain could not even lightly toast a piece of bread. Perhaps on account of all the bleach. I resent knowing her first, vapid words to Edwards (“You’re hot!”) and how she had the nerve to pursue him only because of his fame, money, and power. I squirm hearing her explain that having an affair with Edwards was okay because his marriage was bad.

I throw up in my mouth a little when she says how in love she was with a serial cheater and a pathological liar and gives all the dirty details of their bedroom romps. My soul indeed dies a little with every interview granted and article printed about Rielle Hunter. I fear for her daughter. I am angry about a nation who evidently hungers for vampires like her.

When she was interviewed on ABC, the Jerry Sandusky verdict broke, but ABC didn’t break in on Rielle. Why is she news? Why am I being subjected to this…and I use the term loosely….person? Does she have any self esteem whatsoever? Because when she’s visiting the Wizard, she might ask for that along with that brain and heart.

Rielle Hunter stands for the worst of America: celebrity for notoriety, not for works; the tawdry selling of sex and scandal; and worst of all, our inability to have insight into what is terrible, self-centered behavior or evidently be capable of even a shadow of shame when it’s appropriate.

Having small children, I read a lot of rhyming books. And Rielle Hunter’s refusal to go away has taken on a Suessical quality in my mind. Are you familiar with Marvin K. Mooney, Suess’ character that refused to go off to bed? I now dedicate it to what appears to be the completely soulless Ms. Hunter, and wish her Godspeed:

The time has come, The time is now. Just go, go, go! I don’t care how. You can go by foot. You can go by cow. Rielle Hunter will you please go now! You can go by balloon…or broomstick. OR you can go by camel in a bureau drawer. You can go by bumble boat…or jet… I don’t care how you go, just GET! Rielle Hunter! I don’t care HOW! Rielle Hunter, will you please GO NOW!

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