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I have been married to my wonderful wife for two years, and we have two toddlers. I would characterize our marriage as a match made in heaven, and I never have any doubt that she is the one for me. My dilemma is this, though…. her confidence in our relationship is not as high. She is down on herself because of her weight gain since giving birth. She frequently tells me that she doesn’t know why I picked her, and that I could have done so much better than her. I strive to be reassuring, and have never made a big deal out of any of this. My real problem here is that I don’t understand where this is coming from. I want her to gain her confidence back and be comfortable in our relationship. Other than being supportive of her and reassuring, I don’t know what to do to help her. Your thoughts?
Dear Lost in Love,
Sadly, this occurs all too often. We live in a society that has an unrealistic definition of beauty. This is something that all women carry with them. Yes PEOPLE, I said ALL because even those who claim they are confident in their bodies, everyone wants to change something about themselves, whether they admit it or not. I want to reassure you that you are doing all the right things and unfortunately, the rest is up to her. Pregnant woman have made comments that their body feels lost to them during pregnancy and once the child is born, who has the time to diet, dress up or shave? Her insecurities are probably increasing as her selflessness towards you and the kid’s increases. Continue to be supportive and gently help her improve her self-image. I use the word “gentle” because lets face it, dealing with women and self-image can be a tricky subject and no one wants to be sleeping on the couch. She needs to increase her self-esteem so put some time aside to watch the kids and let her have a day at the spa. Little things like manicures and pedicures can do wonder to a woman’s self-esteem. Or hire a sitter and take her for a romantic night out. Remind her how beautiful and special she is. As for the weight gain, choose to get healthy together. Pick a plan online or at a local clinic that is something you can do together. Tell her you want to get healthy and you need her support. You may not think she needs to lose weight, but she does. You are doing all the right things, just make it known that she needs to see herself the way you see her. Oh and one last thing, make sure that you are listening to her. When a female feels down, statistics show that they need to talk. I understand that listening to your spouse is a man’s worst fear, but REALLY listen; you may just figure out what the real issue is. If she feels lost or broken, help her heal. Sometimes all a woman needs is a sounding board.