By Tallulah Bell, TSB Contributor
Have a burning relationship question? Send your anonymous love questions to firstname.lastname@example.org to receive Tallulah’s advice.
I have been married for seven years and have been becoming increasingly unhappy with the marriage. We have been dealing with a lot of financial stress with my husband’s business, resulting in him constantly being stressed out and ultimately resulting in him not paying attention to me. I feel so lonely. He no longer talks to me, never wants to be around me, and it’s like I’m not even there. I have tried to tell him that I am feeling lonely but it doesn’t seem to sink in. I feel like he takes me for granted, and is too comfortable in our relationship. Help!
Lonely In Love
Dear Lonely in Love,
So many relationships hit the point of one or both partners getting too complacent. This is very common and life stressors do seem to get in the way. I am glad you have tried to communicate with him, but I would try again with a mediator, such as couples counseling. Having a mediator present to clarify your words and meanings to your partner can help them better understand where you are coming from and visa versa. You can’t expect things to go back to the way they were when you first met, but goals of counseling, depending on the couple, can be focused on rejuvenation in a relationship, resolution of problems or even a peaceful resolution of the marriage. Try it, you won’t regret it.
Lots of Love,
I am dating a girl whom I really enjoy spending time with, but am not ready for a serious relationship. We have been dating for a little over a month. She hasn’t been asking me to commit, nor is she pressuring me, but I am concerned she wants something more. Should I have this conversation with her? Also, in the past, when my relationships have gotten serious, the girls have gone crazy, being extremely needy, making me feel claustrophobic, and resulting in me feeling annoyed and loosing interest. What do you think?
Scared of Crazy Girls
Dear Scared of Crazy Girls,
Don’t be scared. I have two things to say about this. One, you say you are just dating this current girl and it has only been a short time. I personally don’t think you need to have the conversation with her. Dating is the time to get to know someone to see if it is worth having a relationship. If she isn’t pressuring you, she may be feeling the same way. Have fun while you can, no decisions need to be made at this moment. What is meant to be, will be, and sometimes understanding we can’t control the future is the hardest thing to accept. As for your past relationships, don’t let those be your basis for what relationships are. You can’t base your future on your past; it results in incorrect assumptions and inaccurate beliefs. Not every female is clingy or needy; some are very independent and find being in a relationship adds to their life, it doesn’t become their life. This may be that girl, or it may not, but your maladaptive thinking and pre-concern are not helping the situation. Live in the moment my friend and see where it leads you.
Lots of Love,
Do you agree with Tallulah’s advice? If not, make a comment and let us know what you would do.